It seems to me I’ve never tried
To do so much about the place,
Nor been so slow to come inside,
But since I’ve got the flag to face,
Each night when I come home to rest
I feel that I must look up there
And say: “Old Flag, I’ve done my best,
To-day I’ve tried to do my share.”
And sometimes, just to catch the breeze,
I stop my work, and o’er the trees
Old Glory fairly shouts my way:
“You’re shirking far too much to-day!”

The help have caught the spirit, too;
The hired man takes off his cap
Before the old red, white and blue,
Then to the horses says: “giddap!”
And starting bravely to the field
He tells the milkmaid by the door:
“We’re going to make these acres yield
More than they’ve ever done before.”
She smiles to hear his gallant brag,
Then drops a curtsey to the flag.
And in her eyes there seems to shine
A patriotism that is fine.

We’ve raised a flagpole on the farm
And flung Old Glory to the sky;
We’re far removed from war’s alarm,
But courage here is running high.
We’re doing things we never dreamed
We’d ever find the time to do;
Deeds that impossible once seemed
Each morning now we hurry through.
The flag now waves above our toil
And sheds its glory on the soil,
And boy and man looks up to it
As if to say: “I’ll do my bit!”

Edgar Guest

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If she’s going to hang around, the least she could do is offer to pay rent. But no. Every once in a while I do find a couple of dollar bills on the kitchen counter, or some loose change on my bureau or on the floor, but that certainly isn’t enough. In fact, though I don’t like to jump to conclusions, I think she steals money from me regularly. I go to the ATM and withdraw a hundred dollars, and a few days later, it’s gone. I certainly don’t go through it fast, so I can only conclude that the old lady pilfers it. You’d think she’d spend some of it on wrinkle cream. God knows, she needs it.

And, the money isn’t the only thing she’s taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate. Especially the good stuff–ice cream, cookies, candy–I just can’t keep them in the house. She really has a sweet tooth. She should watch it; she’s really putting on the pounds. I think she realizes that, and to make herself feel better, I know she is tampering with my scale so I’ll think that I’m gaining weight, too.

For an old lady, she’s really quite childish. She also gets into my closets when I’m not home and alters all my clothes. They’re getting tighter every day. Another thing: I wish she’d stop messing with my files and the papers on my desk. I can’t find a thing any more. This is particularly hard to deal with because I’m extremely neat and organized ; but she manages to jumble everything up so nothing is where it’s supposed to be. Furthermore, when I program my VCR to tape something important, she fiddles with it after I leave the room so it records the wrong channel or shuts off completely.

She finds innumerable, imaginative ways to irritate me. She gets to my newspapers, magazines and mail before me—and blurs all the print; and she’s done something sinister with the volume controls on my TV, radio, and phone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She’s also made my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier, all my knobs and faucets hard to turn and my bed higher and a real challenge to climb into and out of.

Furthermore, she gets to my groceries as soon as I shelve them and applies super glue to the tops of every jar and bottle so they’re just about impossible to open. Is this any way to repay my hospitality? I don’t even get any respite at night. More than once her snoring has awakened me. I don’t know why she can’t do something about that. It’s very unattractive.

As if all this isn’t bad enough, she is no longer confining her malevolence to the house. She’s now found a way to sneak into my car with me and follow me wherever I go. I see her reflection in store windows as I pass,and she’s taken all the fun out of clothes shopping because her penchant for monopolizing mirrors has extended to dressing rooms. When I try something on, she dons an identical outfit–which looks ridiculous on her and then stands directly in front of me so I can’t see how great it looks on me.

I thought she couldn’t get any meaner than that, but yesterday she proved me wrong. She had the nerve to come with me when I went to have some passport pictures taken, and she actually stepped in front of the camera just as the shutter clicked. Disaster! I have never seen such a terrible picture. How can I go abroad now? No customs official is ever going to believe that crone scowling from my passport is me.

She’s walking on very thin ice. If she keeps this up, I swear, I’ll put her in a home.

On second thought, I shouldn’t be too hasty. First, I think I’ll check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent.

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Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a
bad dog?

Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns,clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can’t make up our
minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing, again?

Dear God, Can you undo what that doctor did?

Cat Letter to God Dear God, Do you exist? I’m just curious. I don’t care.

Much more humor at the links below

Miracle
Using Humor in Public Speaking
50/50
50th Wedding Anniversary
Absent Minded Confessors
Accident Report
Accident Report
Acts 2:38
Actual Epitaphs from Gravestones
Agreement 80%
Altered
Amusing Test
Answered Prayers (a grandmother)
Answering Machine
Astronomer vs. Theologian
Aviation Glossary
Baby Plane
Bad Diagnosis
Barbie We Can Relate To, A
Bargaining
Baseball in Heaven
Battle of Male Hierarchy, The
Be Warned
Being Ahead
Bellringer
Best T-Shirts of the Summer
Best T-Shirts of the Summer
Bible Humor from Kids
Big Sale
Bird and Police Officer
Blonde Joke (2)
Blonde Joke (3)
Blonde Joke 1
Bottle on the Beach, The
Bridal Registry
Bridge
Bronze Rat
Building a Campfire
Building a Campfire
Bumper Stickers
Burglar and Jesus
Burning Calories
Butcher Dance
Buying Gifts For Men
Canine Complex
Careers That Slipped Away
Carpentry
Cat Burglar
Chihuahua, The (there’s a guy)
Child’s Bible Story , The
Children Explain The Bible
Children’s sayings in church
Chocolate is a Vegetable
Chocolate Lover
Chocolate Math
Christian And The Atheist, The
Church Admission
Church Funnies
Church Humor
Church Humor (2)
Classes For Men And Women
Classifieds
Classifieds & Ad Translator
Clergyman, The
Coffee in bed
College Entrance Essay
Computer Date, A
Computer Help Desk
Computer’s Swallowed Grandma, The
Computers and Companies
Cornell
Creation Retold
Cute and Funny Quotes 1
Dead Mule
Dear Bubba
Dear Pastor
Deciphering Used Car Ads
Deep Thoughts
Deep Voice, A
Definition of Health Terms
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
Delberts Words of Wisdom
Dieter’s Psalm:
Dieting Rules And Calorie Counter Humor
Difference Between Men And Women , The
Differences Between You and Your Boss
Dime-a-Minute
Dinner Blessing
Disloyal Friends
Divine Golf
Do You Believe In The Bible?
DO you have A.A.A.D.D?
Doctor…
Dog Breeds that did not make it:
Dogs Letters to God
Don’t Eat the Fruit
Don’t Heal Me!
Doughboy
Drive Up Service
Duck Feed
Dumb Men Jokes
Easter Bunny Hit by Car
Eating Oreos
Elderly Husband, The
English Schoolteacher, The
Eulogy, The
Excuses, Excuses!
Exercise the Brain
Failing Math
Fast Bicyclist, The
Fifty Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Fire Truck, The
First Kiss
Fishermen and Fishing
Flea and Friends
Flight Announcements
Flirting
For Those Who Need a Chuckle
For Those Who Take Life too Seriously
Fourteen Signs That You’re Old
From Actual Job Applications
Frying Pan Cat
Funny Isn’t It?
Funny Police Quotes
Galleon
Garden Party
George and The Cherry Tree
Getting to Heaven
God’s Existence
God’s Total Quality Management
Godly Sermon
Golden Phone, The
Golf Competition
Golf Laws
Golfing Preacher, The.
Good Addition
Good Clean Fun Archive ( A - F)
Good Clean Fun Archive ( G - M )
Good Clean Fun Archive ( N - Z )
Good Old Days
Grammer Made Easy or How to Rite Rite
Grandma Writes…
Great Truths (raising)
Heavenly Voice Mail
Helicopter, A
Helpful Mother, A
Here’s Your Bloody Kids
Hill, The
Hit The Floor
HMO
Honk!
How Business Communications Work
How To Find A Wife
How to Identify Where A Driver Is From
How To Know If You’re Ready To Have Kids
How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale
How to Order a Pizza Using a Phone
How to Photograph a New Puppy
How to Speak of Men Politically Correct
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
Human Race Is Doomed, The
Humorous Court Transactions
Husband 101
I Don’t Wanna
I Never Felt Better
I’m a Senior Citizen
I’m Only Mature
If A Guy Says…
If Noah lived in the United States Today
Impromptu Baptism
Instruction Books
Internet Police
Jar 47
Jaws of Life
Jesus Knocking
Jesus Returns
Jesus Saves
Jokes
Keeping One’s Composure
Kid’s Jokes (1)
Kid’s Jokes (2)
Kids Say the Funniest Things!
Kitchen Humor
Kleenex
Last Words
Laughter (the most)
Laws of Ducks, The
Lawyer, Priest and Truck Driver
Learning to Pray
Let There Be Peace
Letter from Grandma
Letter of Recommendation
Letter To A Computer Addict
Letter To The Bank
Letter to the IRS
Lie, The
Life’s Lessons
Life’s Lessons
Limo , The
Little Bobby
Little Mixed Up, A
Lord And Noah, The
Magician and the Parrot, The
Male Perspective, The
Man I Marry, The
Manners
Marriage Questions With Answers
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
Martha’s Way
Memory Loss
Million Years, A
Mime, The
Ministers Do More Than Lay People
Ministers Do More Than Lay People
Miraculous Golf
Missing God, The
Missing…
Missing…
Missing…
Mission Impossible
Mixed Up Metaphors
Mom’s Laundry Rules
Muffins
My Appetite is My Shepherd
My Favorite Things
My Get Up and Go
My Resignation As An Adult
My Teeth
Near Death Experience
Never Lie to your Mother
New Alcohol Warning Labels
New Pastor, The
New Teacher, A
New University Courses for Men . . .
Noah’ s Ache
Noah’s Lost Diary
Now That I’m Older
Ode to Golf
Ode to…
Old Man in Idaho, The
Old Preacher
Old Superstitions
Only in Merry Old England
Optimism (in order to)
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Palm Beach Pokey
Party, The
Pastor’s Bad Memory, The
Pearls of Wisdom
Pearly Gates
Perfect Husband, The
Perfect Pastor
Personality Test
Petey
Phone Call, (the boss of)The
Phone Call, The (the worried)
Plenty Cryptic After All
PMS in the Bible
Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood
Ponderisms
Poor Communication
Poor Hearing Joke
Poor Pastor, The
Practical Pilot
Practicing Confessions
Preacher-in-a-Box
Pregnancy Q and A
Preparation for Baptism
Procrastinator’s Creed
Professional, The
Purchase A Politician?
Quality Control
Quick Cure
Raising Children
Random Thoughts (insanity)
Read Ads
Reading of the Will
Real Ads
Results
Rindercella/Cinderella spoof
Rollerblading Mice
Rose??
Sally
Sam’s Fishing
School Excuses
School Voicemail
Seen on T-Shirts
Sermon Compliments
Shaved
Signs Found In Kitchens
Signs in the US
Signs on Doors
Signs That You’ve Had TOO MUCH Of The 90’s
Silent Communication
Sixteen
Small Town Trucks
Smarter Than Einstein
Smithsonian Institute
Socia-math problems for San Francisco students
Socks and Shoes
Software Installation
Storyteller, The
Stupid Crook Stories (1)
Subject: Airline Cockpit Conversation
Subject: Dumb Men Jokes
Survival of the Grittiest
Tax Facts
Ten Best Things To Say…
Ten Commandments of Email, The
Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve
Texas Pool, The
Thanksgiving Church Attendance
The Computer Swallowed Grandma
The Computer Swallowed Grandma
The Tired Man
Things Found Only In America
Things you can learn by watching the movies
Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman
This is AT&T
Thoughts to Ponder (isn’t it)
Three Beers
Three Companies
Three Elderly Women
Three Envelopes
Three Little Pigs to Dinner
Three Old Sisters
Three Wishes
Three Wishes From A Frog . . .
Tiger, The Man and God, The
Today’s Little Axioms
Too Much Info?
Tooth Ferry
Top Ten Signs It’s Time to Clean out the Fridge
Traffic Accident Reports
Turtle Ears
Two Boys
Two Carrots
U.S. Army Official Voice Mail Message
Understanding Women
Upgrading to Wife 1.0
Vanished
Votes
Warning
Warning Signs Of Insanity
Washing Your Cat
Watch out for the Little Guys
Ways to Annoy People in the Computer Lab
Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate
Ways to Annoy Your Room Mate
WAYS to describe an Idiot
Ways to Relieve Stress
Wedding Plans
Well-known proverbs by a 6 year old
What if God Had Voice Mail?
What If?
What Is A Human Resource?
What They Prayed For
What Would You Like to Hear?
What’s In A Name?
Where Is God?
Why Engineers Don’t Write Recipe Books
Why God Created Pets
Why I Won’t Be Coming To Work Today
Whys and Ifs
Women’s Line, The
Worst Analogy Contest.
Writing
Wrong Way, The
You Ask…
You Can’t Take It With You
You Know You’re From Califonia When
You might be a bad cook if….
You’re No Longer Cool When…
You’ve Got Male!
Your Auto Repair Dollars at Work
Your Choice!
Zero to 200
Zoo

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Free Cross-Stitch - Baby Is Asleep
Free Cross-Stitch - Baby’s Room
Free Cross-Stitch - Birdhouse
Activity: Balloon Games
Activity: Foil Art For Children
Home: Household Hints (1)
Home: Household Hints (2)
Sensible Weight Loss Tips
Spirituality: Finding Peace
Activity: Musical Instruments
Baby: Diaper Cake
Be Prepared: Emergency Preparedness
Be Prepared: Food Storage Made Easier
Be Prepared: Preparations for the Blizzards?
Be Prepared: Putting Together A 72 Hour Kit
Beauty: Facials
Bev’s Craft Book Barn
Bev’s Yarn Stash
Bridal Shower Corsage
Bride: Bridal Shower Games
Budget: A Plan for Getting Out Of Debt
Budget: Buying New Appliances
Budget: Extra Income from a Yard Sale
Budget: Finding Antiques at Yard Sales
Budget: Having It All…
Budget: Home Child Care Business
Budget: Living On A Budget
Budget: Lots of Money Saving Ideas
Budget: Make Your Own Soap
Budget: Money Saving Ideas for Birthday Parties
Budget: Moving On A Budget
Budget: Save Money on Groceries
Budget: Save Money on Holiday Gifts
Budget: So You Want To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
Budget: Starting A Home Business
Budget: Teaching Children About Money
Budget: Time to Work?, A
Budget: Traveling On A Budget
Budget: Ways To Save Money
Budget: Working Moms
Budgeting: General Shopping Tips

More can be found here

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Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was
doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the
waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there
telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person
all of the time. How do you do it?” Jerry replied, “Each morning I
wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You
can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad
mood.’ I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad
happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it.
I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining,
I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the
positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away
all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react
to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good
mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the
restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often
thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting
to it. Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are
never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door
open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers.
While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness,

slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.
Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local
trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care,
Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets
still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be
twins. Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through
his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through
my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied.
“Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I
could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I
was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency
room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead man.
” I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said
Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The
doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply… I
took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I
told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive,
not dead.”

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of
his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the
choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

You have 2 choices now:

1. save or delete this mail from your mail box.
2. forward it to your dear ones and choose to pass this on

I hope you will choose choice 2.

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Unlike the judgmental ideals of society, physical shape and features do not give it definition. True gratitude for life draws people near and leaves them feeling better about themselves for having had the encounter. It’s instantly recognizable, not so much by what it is, more, by what it isn’t. It’s list of lack is long. Constant complaint, jealousy, bitterness, envy and anger are oddly missing. Odd, because we’re so used to hearing them expounded. Their absence is noticeable.
We exercise our freedom to complain - a lot. Sounds of gratitude are rarely heard.

When asked, “How are you?”, the first thought that enters your mind reveals where your focus lies. Problems at work, physical ailments or trouble with friends and family are likely to show up first. Have you ever entertained the thought of replying, “Happy to be alive”?

Dr. Paul Brand encountered resilience and nobility, gratitude and reverence for life, in the leprosy colonies of India. He expected to find defeat and despair. Instead, he found appreciation for the gift of being alive and a grace that forever changed the course of his life.

The majority of people on this planet have less than we could ever imagine. Our creature comforts, food, shelter, running water, access to healthcare and education, are luxuries they will never know. How then, is it possible for them to find, in the midst of destitution, the one thing that escapes the majority of people who have so much more by comparison? Where is our joy?

I read an astounding statement by one of Dr. Brand’s patients. After a life of suffering and complete rejection by his family, the man said he was now happy he had leprosy. His explanation? “Apart from leprosy, I would have been a normal man with a normal family, chasing wealth and a higher position in society. I would never have known such wonderful people as Dr. Paul and Dr. Margaret (Dr. Brand’s wife) and I would never have known the God who lives in them.”

If your focus is as narrow as your own life, what happens on the rest of the planet doesn’t impact the course of your thoughts. For many, it’s too sad and too terrible. They have enough worries. They don’t want to think about it.

Avoid the world’s pain and you cut off access to its joy.

Dr. Brand never made much money treating the poor, but sharing their pain brought more peace to his spirit than money could ever buy.

“It’s strange,” he said. “Those of us who involve ourselves in places where there is the most suffering, look back in surprise to find that it was there that we discovered the reality of joy.”

Is the reality of joy reflected in your life?

Are you happy to be alive?

– Words from a Simple Heart
© Living in love and loving life, Terri McPherson WiseHearts…
Weaving Small Wisdoms Through The Fabric Of Life

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